I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
