Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
