Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
