just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
