I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Someone shattered a urinal.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
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