yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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