I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
