It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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