I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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