Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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