i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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