Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
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