Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
