just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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