On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
