craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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