you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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