so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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