I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
