So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Randomize
