now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Im part way to drunk.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
