is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
