5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
