So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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