It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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