I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
