Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Randomize
