this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Randomize
