her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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