My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
