Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize
