i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
