i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Randomize
