Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
