Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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