ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
