Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
