I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
