He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
