Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
