Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
