he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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