I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
