Whatcha textin bout Willis?
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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