.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
