why im i the only drunk person in the library?
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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