dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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