I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
My vagina is very pro this idea
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