you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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