after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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