ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
