Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
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