hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
